In my morning meditation and sahdna today I connected to a realization that everything was opening according to plan. In fact that everything was perfect. I had a realization of all the events and things that were happening were leading exactly to the highest good of all concerned. In that realization I reflected how cynically defensive I had become, how fear and negativity were playing with my consciousness and how that had me wary in my thoughts of what was going on. As I stayed in the feeling of the rightness of the moment I started to feel a goodness of well-being and of happiness and ease. I let myself have the ease and goodness and it opened more. As it did I remembered I have felt like this throughout my life a sense of well-being and being cared for, guided and in synchronicity. I remembered that ever since I was a child I felt a sense that someone was watching over me and keeping me in goodness.
As a young child I had a story with my friends that went like this: When our older relatives or people close to us would die, they would become our fairy god people and watch over us from the other side. We all loved those stories as little children and it gave us a sense of goodness. I remember feeling these same feelings as people close to me died as I was growing up. Amid the sadness and grief and loss there was a sense that something changed in the field of living. A sense that I was cared for from another place opened up, a sense and feeling of goodness that gave me a feeling like everything was okay and that I had help that would always be there.Even more that my life became more endowed in some invisible yet tangible way. These feelings always gave rise to changes and manifestations in my life that was filled with goodness. I though that I heard in these moments as I do now that I just need to embrace the moment and go forward in a good way and that everything would be fine. I started to remember that I hadn’t quite felt like this for so long or remembered it. These years have been so difficult and it took away from my conscious sense of that connection. Maybe really it was all there all along I just wasn’t.
This morning though it all came flooding back, and as it did I could remember more deeply this feeling and state of goodness of life –like manna–being fed and nourished by spirit and source energy –feeling healthy and well and that everything was being helped, guided, nourished with destiny in a good way. In my life this has been a consistent stream. It has helped me to trust and go forward with good feeling. In fact the more tragedy I experienced the greater the return was. It felt like that goodness was unfolding in each moment and I could hear and feel and just know it. Not know it like an idea, like I could know it like a state of being. In the moment this feels like the most precious thing. In these moments I am so grateful for everything and everyone –I am in the field or stream of the goodness frequency/vibration. Reminds of me of my Mom and Rabbi Hillel. Ode to The Goodness.